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Lifting Up Simone Fallen

CBN.com When she was only four years old, Simone Fallen was repeatedly molested by a trusted neighbor.

“We would be from house to house and people would watch us over night sometimes and I can remember him just violating me. I would be swollen in my private area. My mom didn’t understand why.  How do you express that as a four year old?  You know, ‘Mommy, somebody’s hurting me.’ Everything that’s beautiful, everything that’s pure stops.  All your trust in adults, people, completely stops. “

Simone was raised by a single mom and rarely saw her father.  She longed for a man’s love and went to great lengths to find it.  By the time she was ten, Simone was sleeping with men twice her age.

“I thought I can find love by giving them me. From 10 to 18, man after man, the young guys weren’t attracted to me, but the older men."
When she was a teenager, a close family member started molesting her as well.  Her desperate attraction to men turned into a deep hatred. “‘Men are just puke.’  That’s what I was thinking then.  Like 'What’s wrong with me?  Why, why is this happening to me?' I was done with men.  I’ve tried everything.  This is it.”

After high school, Simone made a new friend that introduced her to an entirely different lifestyle.

“She told me that she was a lesbian, and ‘I think I’m falling in love with you.’ I’m like, ‘Wow!’  I heard the word ‘love.’  That’s what I’ve been searching for all these years.  After that one encounter, it was woman after woman, hurt after hurt, and every single time a woman hurt me, I became more and more masculine. I felt like if I were heavy, if I looked like a man then people would respect me and they wouldn’t hurt me.”

With each new relationship, Simone was attracted to women that were more and more abusive.

"One night, she took me to her house. They covered my mouth and they told me to shut up. A girl that was with her turned off the lights. They began to rape me with objects.  Just disgusting. There was so much abuse.  So much anger.  So many drugs.  That you can’t even imagine.”

Soon she was addicted to crack cocaine.

“We’d do whatever we had to do to get it.  Sometimes those party nights, we’d perform lewd sex acts so that people could watch.  So that we would have money to have the drugs we needed.”

One night Simone snorted and smoked enough drugs to overdose.

“I felt myself dying. My heart was going really fast, and then it became just became so slow.  Just a thud, just a boom, boom. I knew that I didn’t want to die.  I knew this couldn’t be it. I had been raised in church so I knew that there was a God. I said, ‘Lord I don’t want to die.  Can You please save me?’  I remember lightening, like the brightest purest light that you could ever see.  It almost looked like fames.  I remember being in that room and that flame surrounding me.  Just wrapping me.  Just holding me. God saved me [from] the overdose that should of killed me.  I was completely sober.“

She was instantly freed from her addiction to cocaine.  From that day, Simone began seeking God, but the rest of her recovery wasn’t over night.

“The gradual growing in the Lord, it was tough.  ‘Okay, Lord, You saved me.  But I still can’t see You.  I still don’t know you.’ I started going to church more, praise and worship.  During worship, layers of hurt would fall off. “

Her love for God began to replace her dependence on same-sex relationships.

“It took time because you still have dreams, you still have thoughts.  You still want the intimacy.  It’s a learning process where you trust the Lord enough to let go and to know that there’s nothing behind you that’s going to satisfy you.”

Today, Simone runs her own business, “Sweet Me Off My Feet”.  She uses her talents to make the world a tastier place.

Simone says, “I didn’t know that I was gifted.  I didn’t think that there was anything special about me.  I just went through life trying to survive.   I didn’t know that there was creativity inside of me.  Now that I know who He is, He’s showing me who I am.

“When I feel so weak and frail, He’s like, ‘Be of good courage. Come on, you’ve got a lot in you.’  I’m like, me?  But He sees me as I am, because He knows. He created me. So when I feel like I’m less than, He was telling me, 'Pick your head up.  I know what I put in you,' and He’s showing me that every day. 'Look at what you survived.  Look what the Lord did for you, girl!' God is my healer.  He’s my deliverer.  He’s my provider.  He’s my friend.  God is my everything.”

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