Curtailing the Temper of a Strong Willed Child

A mom is embarrassed to tell me that her 18-month-old child has a temper and has been successful at getting her to give in to her demands. Her child is so strong willed that she feels exhausted trying to discipline her and ends up doing what the child wants. The mom knows this is not good, but can’t seem to break the cycle.

When you have a strong willed child, you must take firm consistent action early on in life or the child will develop discipline problems. Act now or pay later!

As children begin to separate from their parents, they assert their independence. One way to do this is to push back on what parents ask them to do. This is normal at 18 months of age.

If fact, temper tantrums usually begin around ages 12-18 months and escalate between ages 2 and 3. However, how you respond to this grab for control is important.

First, you must stay calm. In your mind, do not think about how bad the behavior is or question if you are a good parent. Instead, focus on what to do to break this behavior.

Your job is to teach the child appropriate ways to respond to frustration and limits. At this age, distraction can be used to dissipate a temper tantrum. Try it. If distraction doesn’t work, then completely ignore the tantrum behavior and don’t give in at any point during the tantrum. You have to show the child you mean business and give zero attention for this behavior. If you give in at all, tantrums will continue. Too many parents ignore a tantrum for a period of time and then give in, which only makes the behavior worse.

Also, say “no” a few times during the day; not continuously because toddlers say “no” to everything. Whenever possible, offer your child a choice so that the issue isn’t do or not do. This will help avoid power struggles.

Also consider tantrum prevention –getting enough sleep and rest. Make sure your child naps or rests for at least 15-20 minutes a day.

Above all, remember you are the parent and can break any negative behavior pattern by responding in a consistent way to decrease behavior. Also remember, tantrums typically decrease after the age of four. This too shall pass!